Starkist be-damned, “Chicken of the Sea” is an incredible misnomer. They’re actually quite big, and the bluefin tuna can get up to nearly 1,000 pounds, if people weren’t busy catching them and shoving them into cans. And while they are cow-sized, not chicken-sized, they are unlike cows in that they are a) predators and b) like, nine feet long. Also, according to this article from the Philippines, they will try to drag you to your death, given the opportunity.
…scuba diver Ramir Te, who was on a diving expedition, was 80 feet below the surface when he was pulled down by a giant tuna fish at the waters off Kiamba afternoon of Sunday.
Oooh, sorry Charlie. Hope he didn’t get lead poisoning along with the bends. 
Its generally good thing that cows and tuna don’t chat. Better yet, maybe we ought to take the warning and just cut back on tuna consumption.